illness and suffering
My aunt has taken ill. Thinking she had a gastric problem, she went to the doctor only to find out that she had a tumour in her liver. Worse, they've found that there's a tumour in her colon too, and there's the huge possibility that it will be cancerous. As usual, all the signs were there, the blood which she mistook for a piles problem, the stomach pains which she dismissed. In illness, there's always a gloom that overtakes the whole family and my father is especially worried this time round. It shows plainly though he wouldn't ever mention it to us. I know he fears for my grandmother's health too, because this particular aunt of mine was her eldest daughter, who was always driving her to the market before the sun's up, who was probably her closest companion, visiting her morning, noon and night. And my grandmother is by nature a worrier, and also by nature a stubborn woman, (I think it's from her obstinate nature that she draws her strength)refusing to move out of the house, though it's empty save for her.Unable to speak teochew, I talk too little to her to know if she still grieves my grandfather's death, though I think she does, and that my daddy does too. It doesn't help much, that he died of lung cancer, and that that came after an operation to remove a cancerous colon tumour. Nor does it help to sit here feeling helpless because they are all so far away in Malaysia, and work and school will not allow us to pack up to go up and be there.
So, the best we can do is still to pray and trust God. The urgency to share the gospel, to want them all to know the truth, to believe, to be saved, that urgency somehow never comes to you till something bad strikes. And now I pray with all my heart that she'll be well, that the family will remain well, that all will be well, that they might believe.
A friend questioned me about Christianity today, and the conversation started in the strangest way possible. I was glad for it and I've heard all her questions before, and so was not so much frustrated as much resigned that I cannot answer her to a satisfactory degree as she tries to rebutt everything I say, as she tries to dismiss my faith altogether. I understood the confusion and doubt, maybe even cynicism behind those questions, only if I told her that I too asked these questions but still believe and keep my faith, wouldn't she be even more confused?
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