surprised by joy

holiday

Today's National Day break was more than welcome. Got to spend time with sisters - we can finally play a four-player Scrabble game! haha, now that min's wise enough. :) Watched half of a Series of Unfortunate Events (my second time, it's such a brilliant show) before being whisked off to catch the fireworks with the family, from Esplanade Bay. It was great, really magnificent, colourful, bright, noisy, and we were so close we could touch the fireworks! Falling sparks landed on our shoulders and in our hair. :)

I especially adored the two little Malay boys standing on a bench in front of us. They wore red shirts and had flags which they'd wave enthusiastically each time planes/helicopters flew past, holding them stretched up as high as their stubby little hands could go and screaming themselves hoarse, as if hoping the pilots would see them! They were kind of bouncing non-stop atop their bench to the blaring music too, so cute. Bryan, who was in uniform over at City Hall, told me how other little children waved at him (policeman, policeman!) as their parents dragged them through the crowds into the MRT station. I found that so funny, maybe little boys still want to become policemen when they grow up!

It was a welcome break, and today I read about thanksgiving. I certainly have much to give thanks for, though I've difficulty "giving thanks continually" and "always" and for "everything" For example, I can't feel thankful for the dilemma I have currently. Even though I might vaguely say I'm thankful because I know I'm learning something from it or will in the near future, it's too confusing for me to truly feel gratitude. Most of my "prayers and petitions" are hardly put forth "in thanksgiving" either, to be honest. (Phil 4:6) How??

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again

Anyway, the dilemma: Where am I now?- expecting too much, setting unattainable ideals or compromising ideals and settling for too little. Which is more important when?- heart over head, because cold hard intellectualism often destroys humanity and feeling, even faith, or head over heart, because "the heart is deceitful above all things" and one shouldn't let emotions rule. How to discern my inner self?- am I wanting what I do not need, am I tossing aside what I do need, am I willing myself down a path that is wrong, doing so because I desire it for myself and with no consideration for higher and perfect plans? How to tell?

Oh the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we need

It's tough. I'm glad I got this nice day's break to think about it. But I guess in most circumstances (bad ones included) and for most things (bad ones included too), I still feel an overwhelming sense of wonder at the grace so astounding that has found me.

But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

- lyrics from Gratitude, by Nichole Nordeman

posted by Shi Ning @ 07:22