i love london!
spring! 043
Originally uploaded by incandescere.much as i'm looking forward to HOME, i'm loving london so much now! yep, now that the weather's gorgeous and work's not on my schedule, i want to stay a little longer. (but then i can't wait to get home either, so what do i want??)
[picture of a flowerpot. on one of regent park's garden cafe tables where huiwen and i sipped chilled diet coke and lemonade in the blistering sun]
evensong
After a few afternoon hours of (unfortunately) scant enjoyment at tate modern (I cannot appreciate such art, though if I'm in a thoughtful mood I might go back and give it another try), I found myself wandering the roads of London because the circle and district lines were down and I needed an alternative route home.
Just love strolling aimlessly, (though I aimed to find a bus-stop I wasn't walking purposefully at all) and what with the cool breeze and blue blue sky, I felt so glad!
I even met a friendly kindly old German man with two HUGE dogs who stopped me to ask for directions to liverpool street. Initially, I was very pleased that I looked like I knew my way (even though I did not) but then he said I had an American accent :( and asked if I was a tourist :( :(
Anyway it was no problem finding a bus-stop, but just as I was running for 15, I found myself heading towards this majestic white building! Which is of course none other than St Paul's Cathedral. (which I've never visited prior to today, shame on me :P)
Most happily, I had my camera with me! So, I acted the tourist and snapped away amongst the crowd, bought myself a scone from M&S and sat on the steps to bask in the sun.
The scone soon disappeared though, and so I went in. Maybe it's just me being unobservant, but after awhile, cathedrals all look similar, the grandeur of the high arches in the ceiling no longer wow you as much. What really took my breath away in there though, was the Evensong service.
Not that I knew there was going to be an evensong service. Not until I made my way to the front and reached a barrier beyond which those not intending to attend the service cannot pass, so I decided to. (partly I must confess due to curiousity and wishing to see what's painted on the beautiful dome above the area beyond the barrier)
I've never seen anything like this service before. Yes, it was liturgical. Everything was read out from Scriptures; the choir and clergy in their robes entered and sang most of the service out- singing the psalms, singing from Luke; the clergyman read most of the prayers and the rest of us merely echoed.
But, the voices, such beautiful voices from the oldest men and women to the little rosy-cheeked boys, rose to the heights of the cathedral's galleries and rang throughout, so that it was almost as though we were surrounded by angelic voices!
I fail to describe it. How listening to God's word being read out, listening to the choir sing, listening to the organist play, and then finally being able to join in in singing the one hymn at the end.. how that could have inspired such great awe in my tiny heart. It was truly amazing, to be able to just stand there in awe of the Almighty God, who is (how humbling!)my dearest Lord and Saviour, and (the privilege!) worship Him.
Such services then, must have been a central part of the great tradition of Christianity in Europe. It seems sadder than ever that empty chapels and cathedrals and churches lie scattered all over this culturally and historically so rich a continent. But as the pastor said in yesterday's ezekiel message, God in his infinite goodness is working in other places, in other ways. :)
**
I have made a commitment, and I shall keep it, no matter what.
guarding my heart
Notes from yesterday’s bible study: (many people came! Including Lorraine whom I haven’t seen in a long long time)Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23
Yet I hold this against you: you have forsaken your first love. Revelations 2:4
I think I really really needed that reality check, that sharp knock to say, shining where are you going, what are you doing! Anyway, as some of them pointed out, we’ve heard proverbs 4:23 before, it’s often mentioned in relationship talks, exhorting us young people to “guard our hearts” and desires because as jeremiah 17:9 says, the heart IS above all deceitful. That always kind of scared me, and well the first time I heard it I had to make the rather dramatic pull away from all common notions of following your heart over your mind, what I now consider feel-good sentimental fluff. :P Not that I think it’s ALL bad now, because when marian in woman in white sings “I believe my heart, it believes in you…” I believe her! And then feel so so sad for her plight, though I think I actually enjoyed feeling so grieved on her behalf. BUT all that’s beside the point. Because in real life, following my heart has led me down all sorts of treacherous paths, we are to “make level our paths” says the writer of proverbs 4 in verse 26 as well, so yes, I need to guard my heart.
But last night I saw it not just in that light, of guarding my heart from what deceitful wishes might enter, but also to guard what’s within. Because in verses 20-23, the writer exhorts us like this, “My son, pay attention to what I say, listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart.” So it’s also about storing away His precious words in my heart, about storing away His multiple blessings showered on me, about storing away lessons that I’ve learnt, but above all, treasuring and always overcoming to retain that first love for Jesus Christ my Lord! Which is what the verse from revelations is about: the church in Ephesus were doing the right things, working hard, persevering, but they had lost focus, lost that initial passion for their Lord, love for God. They had forsaken their first love.
Our dearest small-group leader asked the right question. She told of a time when someone had asked her, have you been more filled with love and passion in your walk with God then now, if not, why? It is a tough question for me, my life spiritually has been a real rollercoaster and I can’t remember how high or how deep the peaks and troughs were previously. Though I can’t pinpoint a time when I was more 积极, in terms of serving God in church or in fellowship, I think I’m trying more, I’m more “aware” now. BUT God asked me the crucial crucial question yesterday, which is where is the love, for “the greatest of these is after all LOVE”, what are the deeds if there’s not faith, and greater than this is love, what good is doing and learning and gaining all that head knowledge if there’s no heart?
I need to learn to be Mary, “who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what He said”. I need to listen to Jesus when he told Martha that “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.” I want to be like Mary whose beautiful act of worship and such love for her Lord led her to do this: “Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.”
yay!!
Yesterday, my math paper marked the end of my first year as an undergraduate! And although these haven’t been the best of exam-times, I’m so grateful that it’s over, and there are now so many wonderful things to do other than stay cooped up in room/classroom/library poring over letters and numbers that are still swimming in my head. Such as, watching a musical! which is exactly what a few of us promptly did after the paper. :)
The plan was really to watch Mary Poppins, but it’s fully booked for the next few months (!) and making our way through the drizzle and the crowds gathered at Leicester Square for the Star Wars premiere (with live orchestral performance of the fantastic soundtrack!) we finally got to the half price ticket booth and snapped up tickets for Woman in White just half an hour before the show was to start.
[Oh but before it did, the announcer went (something along the lines of) "Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to watch the Woman in White, which is set in Victorian England, during which no video recording equipment, pagers, handphones, and other such technology has yet been invented, so please kindly refrain from the use of these items. Thank you." ok I can't remember how exactly he put it but it was funny. :)]
Anyway, I thought it beautifully tragically moving, and would have wept at the end if my stomach's aching hadn't distracted me, for marian and her fortitude, her love for her sister laura, the tragic ending of unrequited love despite her "righting this wrong"... It had everything, tremendous waves of human emotion swept up by the music, the voices drenched in heart; suspense as the mystery unfolded. It had comic villain, not so comic villain and love triangle involving devoted sisters all thrown in, and a heart-breaking end... And the musical stars playing the ladies had truly amazing voices, each word sung with such intense passion, oh and count fosco was hilarious.. I'm just so glad I watched it.
The set was rather unique, with its high-tech (anti-victorian) computer generated scenic backdrops and constantly shifting screens (although I think from a better and lower vantage point it would have been much better, and the entries and exits less obvious). But it was excellently done and so smooth, the way the characters go through doors in the middle wall and the stage spins round, and especially especially that scene at the very start when anne catherick just disappears into the tunnel and fades away so eerily after meeting walter, truly spine tingling!
Also, the grand Palace Theatre did make me feel a little underdressed, but well, it's hardly like going to victoria or esplanade back home, in London the theatre does seem to be for everyone, and there's no real dress-code to be enforced it seems. A wonderful celebration of end of exams. :)
**
And now, I've a million and one things I want to do! But top of the list currently is to clean up my room, which is in the most disgraceful state ever. I think it's even harder to make each day purposeful without a routine of work to follow, so looks like my glorious summer holiday will HAVE to be tempered by much self-chatisement and DISCIPLINE. :P
the problem of SELF
Which is really, the big problem with me!
So now, I have made the resolution. Not a first, but certainly a first in such seriousness and in writing (well if this counts as print), to BANISH all
SELFishness,
SELFcentredness and preoccupation with
SELF-fulfilment and GROW in self
LESSNESS and self
CONTROL instead. And now that I have said it, I am determined to work out this resolution, so please remind me!
I was pierced by some words spoken tonight, because of their unpleasant truth. More often than not, I seek to please only myself, seek to enrich only myself, seek to be ministered to but not to minister or encourage or help, and well, why?? After all, as that old song went, "where might you be going this fine day my friend/off along a aimless road that soon must end/chasing an illusive dream that shines so fair/but when found isn't there..." I've probably got the lyrics wrong (it's been so long since I last heard it), but you get it's gist. And in the midst of exams (the most tangible chase for success in my life as a student right, even though it's
only first year) I feel like I've allowed myself to be entrapped by anger and ambition and condemnation and worry and fear and have not planted my trust firmly in the only one true God who's so much bigger than puny me, but in my own useless futile human efforts instead.
And so I'm grateful once again for a wake-up call, for beautiful testimonies shared (mostly about exams -ugh- but amazing nonetheless!), for melodious voices lifted in worship, for joy restored.
surrender: 3. to give up or give back (something that has been granted)SURRENDER
i'm giving you my heart
and all that is within
i lay it all down
for the sake of You my King
i'm giving You my dreams
i'm laying down my rights
i'm giving up my pride
for the promise of new life
and i
surrender
all to You, all to You
and i
surrender
all to You, all to You
i'm singing You this song
i'm waiting at the cross
and all the world holds dear
i count it all as loss
for the sake of knowing You
for the glory of Your name
to know the lasting joy
even sharing in Your pain
and i
surrender
all to You
spring is everywhere!
Yes I'm in the middle of my finals and yes, my stats paper was terrible and yes, I should be spending this afternoon poring over microeconomics BUT I just could not resist the amazing weather! Just a week or so back, my msn nick was "i could not be so sure of spring, save that it sings in me" for it was still cold, and gloomy and grey. But the past few days? Glorious sunshine! 18*C and soothing april, no I mean may (!) breezes to lift one's spirits, and spring is singing everywhere and all around me now! And so I'm very very very glad I chose to go to the park today instead of holing up in my little room. Despite the initial drizzle, the sun shone brightly and I discovered the joys of tossing/throwing/spinning (?) a frisbee. (my new goal: to learn to toss a frisbee, and run fast enough to play ultimate frisbee next year) So that's how I came to enjoy my sunday afternoon immensely! :) And the flowers are so amazing it's reaffirmed my dream of opening a florist shop in future. Or better still, maybe I should get regent's park to employ me as their springtime gardener.
And amongst all that beauty, that passage in Matthew 6 about how the lilies of the field are dressed in splendour greater than Solomon in his glory comes to mind. Will God not much more clothe me? And that song sang in church this morning: "Blessed be your name/when the sun's shining down on me/when the world's 'all as it should be'/blessed be your name." Now isn't htat apt? But it doesn't stop there, for the next part of the verse goes "Blessed be your name, on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name!" Yep, so let's give praise the great Creator of all things at all times and always. Happy May Day everyone! :)
ok still more flowers! just for the sake of it. :)
isn't everything so green? too bad it was still cloudy, the sun decided to come out later though!
ducky splashing in fountain :)
white tulips!
yellow tulips! (i think...)
pink pink flowers!
